Hello!
It's Katsura.
Nobody home? And time is of the essence.
Ex-Excuse me... Is Mr. Gintoki home?
Well, I brought some sweets as a token of... I'll just leave them here then.
Enjoy.
[The Odd Jobs Trio Goes Looking for a Missing Girl. Who is this mystery man, "Daraku"?]
[Gin had too much to drink and has a hangover. It's a little more watery than usual, but...]
["If You're Going to Cosplay, Go All Out"]
Well, it's not unlike her to disappear for two or three days in a row...
but she's been missing a whole week.
There's been no word from her, and I've asked her friends, but no one knows where she is.
Pull yourself together.
That's why I told you not to drink so much.
I know it sounds odd for me, her father, to say this,
but she's a beautiful girl, so I'm worried she's gotten mixed up in something dreadful.
Yes, I agree.
I'd say there's a good chance
she got caught up in some sorta huge ham-processing machine or something.
No, that's not what I meant. I'm thinking she's caught up in some sort of trouble.
Trouble? Oh, like ham-processing trouble?
Hey, that's enough already. Are trying to ruin this deal?
But are you sure you want us to handle this?
Sounds like a matter for the police.
I can't afford a public scandal.
Our family is of an ancient and honorable lineage
that has served the Tokugawa Family since the time the Shogunate was formed.
The entire clan will be shamed if it gets out that my precious darling
is a club-hopping skank.
Please, just bring her back home to me...and keep this quiet.
Huh? Never seen her.
Someone said she parties here all the time.
Maybe that's what someone told you, young lady.
But all Earthlings look alike to me!
She got a name?
Um...Ha...Hammy?
That's a lie! You just made that up.
Who would give their kid a crappy name like that?!
I forgot her name, okay? It's something like that, I think.
Hey! Are you messing with me?!
Gin, we'll never finish this job if we leave it up to Kagura.
Yeah, whatever.
She's just some slut who's probably camping out some dude's house.
This is retarded.
I can't take this job seriously.
Let's buy a big ham and give it to her dad.
He'll never know the difference.
There's no way you could do that!
And how long are you going to keep milking that ham joke!
Sorry, but I've got a hangover and I feel like crap.
Just take care of it, will ya, Shin.
Wait, Gin!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Kid, watch where you're going.
You have the gall to walk around with dust on your shoulder.
You oughta pay a bit more attention to your appearance.
Who was that guy?
Shinpachi!
I'm bo-red! This fella looks kinda like her. Let's use him.
Sheesh, nobody is taking this job seriously!
Anyway, there's no way you can pass this guy off as her!
This isn't even a "Hammy." What you've got here, it's a "Ham-ilton"!
Tsk, eat one ham, you've eaten them all. Shit!
Hah? Going through a rebellious stage?
Ham-man!
Hey, don't waste a scene on a minor character!
Ham-man, you drank too much.
This dude...he's not drunk.
Okay, never mind, never mind.
I'll take it from here. You people go away.
Good grief. Everybody's gone shabu shabu on me, I swear.
Shabu shabu?
Isn't that that high-leg place?
There's a new drug on the streets.
Real nasty stuff I hear. Just say no, kids!
I'm never drinking again.
I always say that, but this time, I mean it...
Who should I swear to?
I'll swear to that hot weather girl.
Yes, I'm in here...
Give me the usual.
Huh?
I said hurry up and give me the usual stuff!
I can't go on without it!
The...The usual stuff, you say?
It's a little more watery than usual.
Don't jerk me around!
I'm not welcome now that I'm broke?!
Fine, be that way! I'll go to the cops.
Huh? Tell the cops? Hold on a minute.
Not that I care...But about what?
Who the hell're you talking to, fool?
I have no use for you anymore, piggy!
Who the hell are you?
Gin sure is taking long.
I've got a bad feeling about this place...
We should leave as soon as we can.
I'll go find him.
Are you the jerks who've been snooping around here?
Wh-Who are you guys?
Don't play dumb with us.
You've been pokin' your noses where they don't belong, haven't cha?
If you're so interested in our business, we'll show you
how frightening the Harusame space pirates can be!
Give it to me. Hurry!
Hammy!
Sorry about that.
Of the all the men to get mixed up with...
you got caught up with the worst of them all.
Daraku, we've got a weird one here.
Whatta we do?
Are you listening?
Damn! Can't get it off.
What're you going to do about this?!
This jacket is tailored!
How filthy! It's all sticky and won't come off!
Yo, Daraku, are you listening-
I told you not to bother me when I'm grooming!
If you've got a problem,
just take care of it.
Do it snappily and let's go back.
There's a rerun of a show I want to watch tonight
Me, too...
I'm not really a violent mysoginist.
But there are three things I can't abide.
1. People who interfere with my work.
2. People who don't wash up after using the toilet.
3. Scuzzy-looking people with naturally wavy hair.
And you're...
...three for three, creep!
I'm honored.
While we're sharing,
how 'bout I tell you the three kinds of people I can't stand?
First!
Girls who get hysterical while preparing for school festivals!
Second!
Totally dumbass guys who take advantage of that and pretend to get all excited about festivals!
Third!
Teachers who smile and condescendingly embrace it all.
In other words,
you hate school festivals, right?
You must've had an unhappy adolescence.
Better than yours.
Aren't you a little old to be sneaking a puff in the john?
Of course, it seems you guys are into some serious poison.
Since you Amanto arrived, there've been a lot more dangerous things in the world.
Can't have you pushing drugs on our kids.
"Pushing"?
Miss Piggy's the one who came running to me.
I just gave her what she wanted, but she cried and made a scene.
She was causing me trouble.
I see.
I'm sorry this silly girl caused you trouble.
I'll take her home and give her a good talking to!
Hey, hey. Are you all here to take a leak together?
There aren't enough toilets.
Hey, don't make this difficult.
Shinpachi! Kagura! Hey! What're they doing?!
Bastards! What did you do to them?!
You disgust me.
Dirty again. It's definitely ruined now.
I'll just have to buy a new one.
Hang in there!
I won't let you die on me.
I'll get you through this, you'll see!
Get rid of it. Dump him.
He ain't gonna make it, anyway.
You don't have what it takes to rescue anyone.
When have you ever managed to protect anything that really matters?
All you do is lash out at whatever's in front of you.
You slew them all, and what did that leave you?
Nothing but a mountain of corpses.
You're powerless.
Just throw it all away. Take the easy road.
There's nothing you can protect!
It's unlike you to be having a nightmare.
Dreaming about the past?
Zura? What the hell are you doing here?
I remember now!
Better not strain yourself.
You can't use your left arm, and I'm told you've broken several ribs.
The other person is even worse.
She looks okay on the outside. You broke her fall.
But her entire body has been ravaged by drugs.
She was lucky that she was treated quickly, but it's unclear whether she'll recover.
Stupid kid...
But what were you doing in a dive like that?
Never mind that, how did you manage to save me?
Apologize for last time, you bastard.
Speaking of which...
...are you familiar with this?
It's an illegal drug called "Paradise" that's been going around lately.
It's made from a flower that grows only on a remote planet.
It's very addictive.
And everyone who uses it without exception, meets a tragic end.
The Anti-Amanto party is working on digging out this evil by its roots.
So we're gathering information on it.
That's apparently where you fell into all of this.
Who knows what would have happened to you if my men hadn't found you.
But what were you doing in a dive like that?
More importantly, who were those guys?
The Harusame space pirates.
They're the largest organized crime syndicate in the Milky Way.
Their main source of income is profits from the sale of illegal drugs.
The very tips of their tentacles have reached Earth.
We can't rely on the government police. They're totally corrupted by the Amanto.
We hoped we could do something on our own.
They were able to corner even you.
They seem to be a very formidable adversary.
We might be acting prematurely.
Hey.
Are you listening?
They kidnapped my friends. I can't afford to rest and bide my time.
You think you can beat them in your condition?
"A man's life is like traveling a long road with a load on his shoulders."
A long time ago, an old man named Nobuhide Tokugawa said that...
Learn your history, retard! It was Lord Ieyasu. Lord Ieyasu!
The first time I heard that, I thought, what a lame thing to say,
but what do you know, that old guy had a point.
It's not really a burden.
Everyone's got both hands full of something that matters.
You just don't realize it when you're carrying it.
It's only after it slips out of your hands that you realize how heavy it was in the first place.
So many times, I thought I'd never carry a load like that ever again.
And yet,
before I realized it, I was carrying it again.
I'd feel so much better if I just got rid of it.
But I just can't bring myself to do it.
Without those guys, just walking around isn't fun anymore.
I guess there's no point in arguing.
I still owe you a favor from Ikedaya.
Let's go.
You can't carry that load with just one hand.
Starting now, I'm your left arm.
Where is this place?
What am I doing right now?
Are these the ones who were snooping around?
Yeah.
They were becoming a bit of a nuisance, so we set a trap.
They fell right into it.
They are most likely rebels who hate the Amanto.
Ribbit. Ribbit.
There was one other odd samurai,
but we got rid of him together with a loud-mouthed customer.
I told you not to attract too much attention.
There's a limit to how much we can keep the government officials
under control and have them look the other way.
Yes, I understand.
We are only able to do business thanks to your magnanimity, my lord.
So, how're you going to dispose of these two?
I'll get the location of their headquarters out of them, and destroy it.
I don't want them interfering any further with our work.
The leader is probably that man named Katsura.
They're mad dogs that have even bared their teeth at the government.
Don't take them lightly.
Daraku, a moment please?
There are some weirdos outside.
Weirdos?
You handle it. I'm busy right now.
I'm telling you again...we don't need any of your crap!
Aw c'mon.
We want to become pirates, too.
Take us with you.
Ain't that right, Zura?
It's not Zura. It's Captain Katsura.
Ever since we were little punk kids, we've dreamed of becoming pirates.
We wanna search for the lost treasure: "One Park."
Right, Zura?
It's not Zura. It's Captain Katsura.
Never heard of it. Go find it yourselves.
Don't be like that. My hand's a hook.
I can only be a pirate or coat hanger.
Whatever. You go be whatever you want to be.
Anyway, go home
This isn't a job fair.
At least give us an interview.
See, we even brought our resumes.
Hey, are you awake, kid?
Sleepy time's over!
You're so young. Such a shame you got captured by pirates!
Oh, that's right...
I've been captured by pirates.
Kagura!
I hate filthy scum who interfere with my business.
So now I want to clean out you pesky rats.
Tell me where your nest is.
If you try to hold out, she dies.
What're you talking about?!
Don't play dumb. We know you're a rebel.
Tell us where your secret base of operations is!
Where is that scum Katsura?!
What're you guys talking about?!
We're not exclusionist rebels, nor do we know where Katsura is!
Let Kagura go! This is the land of the samurai!
You guys get out!
Samurai, you say? There's no such thing in this country.
Kagura!
Don't want to get in your way.
Bye-bye.
Wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
Oww... My wound opened up.
Uh... Is this where the interview is being held?
Hello, I'm Gintoki Sakata. I'd like to try out for captain.
My hobby is eating sugar.
My special talent is being able to sleep with my eyes open.
Gin!
You little bastard...still alive, eh?
What the?!
Daraku! There was an explosion in the storeroom!
The Paradises!
My work here is done.
You're up, Gintoki!
Go ahead and trash the place to your heart's content.
I'll take care of anybody who gets in your way.
You're...Katsura!
No!
I'm Captain Katsura!
It's Katsura! Get him!
Off with Katsura's head!
You're finished now, bastards.
You've made an enemy of the entire Harusame gang!
Soon, Harusame from throughout the universe will come to kill you.
Yeah? So What? You won't be around to see it.
Listen... I don't care what you do somewhere else in the universe,
but anywhere within reach of my sword,
is my country!
Anyone who comes here and messes with my people
whether he's the Shogun, space pirates, a meteorite...
I'll cut 'em all down!
You know...
Bastard...you may not wash your hands in the bathroom,
but you're pretty clean.
Hoo, I'm beat. Everything's spinning. I can't even walk straight.
I'm dizzy from too much sun.
Carry me.
What're you complaining for, you little brats!
Do you know who's the most exhausted?!
I fought my way over here even though my body is a mess and I have a hangover!
Both of us are woozy, too, you know!
That's right! Boozy!
I can't stand you guys. I'm going on home.
Come on, knock it off already!
Okay! Fine! You want me to carry you, I'll carry you! Your wish is my command!
What a miraculous recovery! Damn you!
Gin, I feel like eating ramen.
Sushi for me.
Stupid! You don't get that except on your birthday.
Man... You guys are heavy, dammit.
Now that you've got them back, hold on tight.
Kimiko... Kimiko!
I'm so glad you're safe! Kimiko!
Hey, old man, wrong one!
I know how it is, pops. There are some things you never want people to see.
No, it's like this because he can see those things.
[Preview]
This is Gintoki.
The other day, I was chasing after a stray cat that stole my fish, naked.
Everyone under the sun, even a little dog, was laughing.
Anyway, the next episode:
Three episodes including "Men Have ... *snip*
["You Only Gotta Wash Under Your Armpits - Just the Armpits", "Rough cooking style for men"]
[Next time, we have 3 episodes like XXX-san. The revival of family-style animation?]
It's not Zura. It's Captain Katsuuura, believe it!
Did I mess up the punchline?